for love of song

ahhhhhh

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 23:15:02 GMT

I haven't written in this in so long, over a year. I can't even explain all that has happened in that year. Lately, I've felt like such a failure. Is it sad that I feel like I'm failing the person I love the most by caring too much? He's told me so many times that I think too much. I can't help it, if I could trust me I would. It drives me crazy that my mind is constantly running, thinking the worst. I wish for the life of me that I could turn it off. For once, I want to turn it off. It's taking all I've got to not fall apart, to not break down. It's not just you either. You think it is, you think everytime I'm upset, every time I'm not happy, it's you and it's not. It's soo much, so much that's building. Believe it or not my life does not revolve around you. You're a big part of it yes, you'll always be. I don't care if you never talked to me again, you'd remain a big part of it. I love you, I can't turn off those feelings, if I could then trust me they too might be gone. It's not that I don't like loving you, it's that I can't stand it sometimes. When it makes me feel the way that I've been feeling lately, I can't stand it. Ahhhh, what am I going to do?

P.S. I'm sure no one will read this

Christmas

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 17:52:40 GMT

My mind may have changed on alot of things in the past few months, year. I'm trying to figure out what I believe and not be a hypocrite for once. I'm trying to get my head on straight. But if there is one thing that I do believe it's that Christ should never be banned from Christmas. That is the most RIDICULOUS thing I've ever heard. You say it's "politically uncorrect" well it is the BASIS of christmas, you can't take it out. It is a holiday based on Christ's birth and the rest is just commercialism. If you don't want to celebrate the holiday don't, but don't take out the basis of the holiday. If you took out the base of a cake, would it taste right? I rest my case. Christ is in Christmas LITERALLY! Hmmm, there are just somethings I don't understand. :(

On another note, I wish all of my friends a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year! May this season bring you happiness and peace. I love you all <33

This is for Shannon.....my favorite coworker!

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 04:38:32 GMT

Leave your name and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll tell you something I've always admired about you.
8. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
9. If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal.

hmmmm

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 16:38:02 GMT

Hmmm, I really don't know what to do right now. It's like my heart and my mind tell me the same things, but it doesn't seem to make sense and I don't know what to go for and what to not. My head is spinning. It won't stop thinking about things. What's right, what's wrong? Is there a right and wrong to worry about? I wish life was simple, but that's a worthless plea. Just give me some kind of sign, just even a little one to show me what direction I'm supposed to take.

~*My hearts on the floor and who knows how much more it can take, before it explodes*~

Confuzled

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 18:41:27 GMT

So, I thought it's about time for another entry. Hmmm how do explain how I'm feeling? I am just really stressed out right now. Plus, I've been doing alot of thinking about what I want for my near future and what is going to make me happy and I'm not sure. I know that right now with school, I'm not happy, I'm not motivated enough and I'm not sure it's what I want. I mean I love to sing and everything, but my motivation to pursue is shot. That's a big reason why I'm thinking about after this semester, just taking off and doing my own thing. Working, finding things that make me happy, so that I can get focused and maybe gain some motivation. I know people say the longer you wait, the harder it will be. But truth is, if I want anything bad enough it doesn't matter how hard it is, I will end up pushing myself to do it. I don't want to dig myself in deeper by pursuing something with no motivation when I know I can do so much better.
So many things are changing. My life is rearranging. I'm trying to find all the pieces and pick them up and put them back as I go along. Little by little I feel it getting better. I'm so glad for the friends I have, who pursue me to press on when I don't feel like it....who tell me they'll stand beside me no matter what. You'll never know how much I love you!

~*I will go on remembering, everything happens for a reason*~

Another day gone by.....

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 01:33:00 GMT

So, how should I describe my life right now....BUSY BUSY BUSY!
I fall asleep everyday at school for at least an hour because that's just how exhausted I am. I feel like I never get enough sleep anymore. So much has gone on in my life in the past few weeks, but I've also learned alot of new things as well. One thing I've learned is that holding on to something to tightly can only cause you to lose it. Everyone and everything needs thier space to grow, even friendships and relationships.
Confidence is a trait that I've been longing to possess for a long time. I spent so many years with a lack of it that it's screwed me up, but I actually feel lately like I'm grasping it. I feel better about myself than I have in a long time. I still have my moments but the severe lack of confidence that I had when I decided that I would do things like not eat and over-exercise and such has left me. It's a battle I fight with everyday, but I'm hoping that through time I can overcome it.
Well, I'm tired so I think this is it for now.

~*Some of the best things in life are not seen or heard, but felt with the heart*~

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 16:42:52 GMT

So, I decided to start a new journal because I feel like I've changed so much as a person since I started my last one. I've just grown-up. I know that some people don't like the way that I've turned out. They wish that I would have made different choices, they wish I was the person they once knew, but truth is I'm not. I regret some things I've done and I will have to live with the consequences of my decisions, but there are many other things I am proud of. For once in my life, I feel like my own person. I don't feel like anyone is standing over me forming my actions or words. I feel like I'm in control of my life. I've been so easy to conform for so long, it's good to break from the bondages.
I love my friends, those who have stuck with me through everything. They will never get how much they mean to me, perhaps it's because I don't tell them nearly enough. Without them though I may have crumbled, but they kept holding me together and I will be thankful to them everyday. :)
Well, I'm afraid I have to cut this one short, but I'm sure I'll write many more ramblings in entries to come.

~*Here's to NEW beginnings*~